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I don't understand.
My parents are really mad at me for socializing with my friends. They say I hang out with them too much and I should be spending that time studying instead of talking to them, so now I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends - ever.
Basically, the implication is that it would be better if I didn't have friends.
Secondly, they've made me quit the academic team ( referring to it in generic terms ) because they say I should be spending that time studying instead of talking to my friends and wasting a night on pointless knowledge that will never get me anywhere.
Thirdly, they say that my sports are taking up too much of my studying time so I should seriously consider my time-management ( i.e. quit sports ), because apparently I don't study enough.
I find this incredibly unfair. They've already banned me from drawing and playing games, so now they're taking away everything in my life that is remotely fun. Last night, when I got home from an academic team match, my parents were really angry at me for wasting my time, and this morning I got a long lecture on the way to school about how I'm spending all my time doing useless things and how grades are the only thing that really matter in life. They've been doing this all week to me, I've had a terrible week because all they say is "you're not studying enough, what kind of horrible daughter are you and why aren't you perfect", and I'm really trying my best to be as perfect as I can, it's just so difficult sometimes.
It was pretty bad today. All day at school I was just trying not to break out in tears, so I ditched sports practice because I was scared I couldn't hold it in any longer, and when I got home I just went into my room and cried for an hour. I'm trying so much to fulfill their wishes, that's all I really live for.
But perhaps they're right. I need to study for APs. If I don't get perfect scores on all my AP tests and the SAT I'll not only disappoint myself, but I'll disappoint my parents, and to be honest that's the thing that I'm most afraid of in this world. I have As in all my classes, this year I put myself into a lot of extracurricular activities because my parents specifically said "you should do some extracurriculars so your college applications look good", and I joined the academic team because last year they were upset that I didn't.
Yeah, everyone says, "screw your parents! Just live your life the way you want to!", but you see, it's not that easy. All I want in life is to make the people around me happy. Nobody matters more in that than my parents. I want to make them happy, and I don't want to ever make them upset at me because I have to be the perfect daughter, the one that they have high hopes for.
I'm so confused. So tired, and I don't know what the world wants from me anymore. Completely unrelated to this, I feel like all my friends are avoiding me and I wish they'd just tell me that they hate me instead of pretending that they like me. Maybe it's for the best that I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends anymore. Honestly, I think they'd appreciate it.
My parents are really mad at me for socializing with my friends. They say I hang out with them too much and I should be spending that time studying instead of talking to them, so now I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends - ever.
Basically, the implication is that it would be better if I didn't have friends.
Secondly, they've made me quit the academic team ( referring to it in generic terms ) because they say I should be spending that time studying instead of talking to my friends and wasting a night on pointless knowledge that will never get me anywhere.
Thirdly, they say that my sports are taking up too much of my studying time so I should seriously consider my time-management ( i.e. quit sports ), because apparently I don't study enough.
I find this incredibly unfair. They've already banned me from drawing and playing games, so now they're taking away everything in my life that is remotely fun. Last night, when I got home from an academic team match, my parents were really angry at me for wasting my time, and this morning I got a long lecture on the way to school about how I'm spending all my time doing useless things and how grades are the only thing that really matter in life. They've been doing this all week to me, I've had a terrible week because all they say is "you're not studying enough, what kind of horrible daughter are you and why aren't you perfect", and I'm really trying my best to be as perfect as I can, it's just so difficult sometimes.
It was pretty bad today. All day at school I was just trying not to break out in tears, so I ditched sports practice because I was scared I couldn't hold it in any longer, and when I got home I just went into my room and cried for an hour. I'm trying so much to fulfill their wishes, that's all I really live for.
But perhaps they're right. I need to study for APs. If I don't get perfect scores on all my AP tests and the SAT I'll not only disappoint myself, but I'll disappoint my parents, and to be honest that's the thing that I'm most afraid of in this world. I have As in all my classes, this year I put myself into a lot of extracurricular activities because my parents specifically said "you should do some extracurriculars so your college applications look good", and I joined the academic team because last year they were upset that I didn't.
Yeah, everyone says, "screw your parents! Just live your life the way you want to!", but you see, it's not that easy. All I want in life is to make the people around me happy. Nobody matters more in that than my parents. I want to make them happy, and I don't want to ever make them upset at me because I have to be the perfect daughter, the one that they have high hopes for.
I'm so confused. So tired, and I don't know what the world wants from me anymore. Completely unrelated to this, I feel like all my friends are avoiding me and I wish they'd just tell me that they hate me instead of pretending that they like me. Maybe it's for the best that I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends anymore. Honestly, I think they'd appreciate it.
DeviantArtist Questionnaire
#DeviantArtistQuestionnaire
1. How long have you been on DeviantArt? 3 years on this account, and a year on my former one. So 4 years total! Woah, I can't believe it's been that long. My art has really changed since then and it really gives a sense of how far I've come, as well as how far I still have to go.
2. What does your username mean?solivagant - wandering alone, or marked by solitary wandering. Even though I like to talk to other people, I'm very introverted and prefer to go about things by myself, without bothering others.
3. Describe yourself in three words.Trash, garbage, weeb. Okay okay I'll try to be serious, so I asked somebod
Yay~
Woke up yesterday morning to see that SCOTUS legalized gay marriage nationwide (ﾉ^∇^)ﾉﾟ Yay, I'm so happy about it! Congratulations to everyone who now has the right to get married.
*enthusiastically throws confetti*
bai
Leaving on a trip! I'll be back on Monday, and I'm bringing my computer with me, so I'll probably be drifting around here a bit, but I won't be terribly active.
Resolutions...
Share your resolutions here!
Here's mine :>
:bulletblue: Figure out what really makes me happy
:bulletblue: Work on that stupid social issue
:bulletblue: Be more outgoing
:bulletblue: Don't take on too many things at once
:bulletblue: Become the Overlord of the Underworld
:bulletblue: Stop playing Osu! and watch more anime
:bulletblue: Stop watching anime and get more sleep
:bulletblue: Stop getting sleep and actually do homework
:bulletblue: Continue undercover drawing missions
In other news, it appears as though Neon Genesis Evangelion is the first meme of 2015. If any of you reading this are 14, don't get in the robot.
© 2014 - 2024 soliivagant
Comments6
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As one of your friends, I can tell you right off the bat that I'm not avoiding you. I really admire you for being the kind of selfless person who puts other people's wishes before their own. To be quite honest with you, I'm not sure I could ever do that. I have faith in you that you can get through this...I'm sure your parents would be proud of you for just being you and trying your best